Bittersweet past

I'm used to being criticized
I'm used to being fooled
I'm used to being suicidal
When I'm used as a tool

For these past few years
I am not who I am
You may tend to know me
But that's just a wham

I have mistakes that cannot be undo
I have guilt that shamed me deeply
Look,before judigng me,at what I can do
As you know,I'm hanging here limply

Trying to ask you
Am I that good?
If I'm not
What must I do?

Don't just nod and laugh
Stop trying to cheer me up
You may damn well bluff
But me,I am not falling for that,slut

All those times hanging out at night
Smoking cigarettes,living our lives right
Passing the time with our old friends
Not judging them by thier now "trends"

While remembering those bittersweet past
I still wonder what happened to you guys
Is it me that's holding on till the last?
Or are you guys just a bunch of fucking lies